She feels so small 

like the world is closing in on her

her life is simple

she walks around  with a smile

hiding the pain

so others don't know

she's dead inside

she's a zombie

an empty shell walking

going through the phases

 

I lost my brother billy Nov. 23 1989. I grew up remmbering him but never really knowing him.  There are days i remmber what his favorite shirt was and other days i can't remmber the color of his eyes.  I don't think there will ever come a day i will truly cope with it.  Even now after almost 20 years it hurts at least once a week i have the nightmare of the day he died.  My mom use to wake me up at night and tell me it  was okay my dream wasn't real it couldn't hurt me she never realized what me dream was. and even if i can't cope there are days i can say name talk about even look at his pictures and not burst into tears.

There was a point in my life I turned my back on God and everything I believed at the time.  I blamed God for everything.  At that time I had lost my brother, 4 aunts, 1 cousin, and 7 friends.  I didn't understand how God could let so many people i loved die.  The night terrors were happening ever night.  About 2 years later i was past the point of no return I just wanted it to end.  I jumped off the roof of my house.  When i survived with just a few bruises and cuts I knew that there had to be point toe it all. Since that  day I have had 32 people tell me that my story stopped them from committing suicide.